My Yoga Story
A couple of weeks ago, someone asked me if I practice yoga every day. I smiled and said, “Oh no, maybe just a couple of times a week. There was a time I used to do yoga every day, but not anymore.”
I walked away and then smiled to myself. Wait, I thought, of course, I practice yoga every day. I practice mindfulness, I do my best to abide by the Yamas and Niyamas (philosophies/ways of living) and I’m continuously peeling back layers of self to find contentment. I thought it was so interesting how as someone who holds the practice of yoga so dear to my heart, I still naturally think of the practice and speak about it as solely a physical one. When in reality, it means so much more to me.
I’d love the opportunity to share my journey into yoga.
Running was something that I loved as a child because it made me feel free, strong, and grounded in the present moment. When I started running track in high school, my competitive nature and ability led me to run in a way that impressed my coaches. At some point in my running career, I lost my love for it. Running was tied up in the fear of not being good enough and not trusting myself to choose what was good for me. One race in high school stands out in particular. I stopped halfway through because I mentally could not finish. It was confusing and embarrassing. Looking back now, it was my way of rebelling. If I completed that race well, it is likely I would have even more pressure and opportunity to compete at a high level in college. If I failed or didn’t get the time I wanted, I would feel the shame of not being “good enough”. So I didn’t want to fail, and I didn’t want to succeed. I wanted something different. What I realize now many years later, what I wanted was a whole, integrated, authentic, and worthy self — no matter the outcome of my race.
When I walked onto the track team in college, there was still a part of me that hoped to gain something from achieving. Soon I faced a debilitating physical hip injury. There was a point in time when it genuinely hurt to walk and almost felt I need crutches just to get around. I knew it all had to stop. I feared I would never be able to run again! At some point, I found myself at my local YMCA taking a yoga practice. It was so hard. Like… SO hard. I could barely lift my leg up to the three-legged dog. I physically couldn’t sit with my legs straight out. My mind was running 1,000 miles a minute. It was so confronting. I knew this was my new challenge. I was cracked open in more ways than one. It took me a couple of years of attending yoga classes in college to feel confident in the physical practice in general. I also began to dive into journaling, meditation, and other practices. It was a raw and beautiful time. I was present.
My hip injury healed naturally. My perfectionism lessened, and I was finally able to identify what was good for me, and what authentic success was, and I was quiet enough to listen to what my heart desired. I felt whole again. There is more to the story, more hardships, more lessons, but I know this to be true: yoga brought me back home.
I took my yoga training in the spring of 2019 and everything clicked. I learned about the poses and their physical benefits, and when I was introduced to yoga philosophy, all that I had experienced mentally and emotionally through the practice just all made sense. I feel lucky to have this knowledge and I remain curious and hungry for more knowledge about the practice and other spiritual practices to this day!!
It took serious pain for me to turn inward and choose what made me feel good, but it doesn’t always have to be that way. This doesn’t have to be your journey, and it doesn’t have to be mine going forward. I’m becoming more aware of the ways I do not listen and honor myself, the ways I self-abandon that ultimately lead to situations that cause pain. The more consistently I am able to ground into the present and have the courage to honor what I feel in the now, the path to liberation is clear.
Clouds will come. Rain will fall. I choose to trust in the sun and honor it all.
It has been a pleasure and a gift to teach yoga consistently for the past four years. Yoga, at least for me, is a very personal and sacred practice. The fact that I have the responsibility to create this type of environment and safe space for others to take what they need from their practice is a deep honor.
As I consider my work and mission for With Good Care, it is also to create safe spaces and inspiration for you to connect to your innermost self. I do my best to clear and cleanse my energy before creating and putting things out there in the universe so that they may be received and felt in the way they are intended. This business I am creating is confronting the same way the practice of yoga is because it is a mirror of my own limiting beliefs. It is confronting because it challenges me to create wholeheartedly and with a deeper purpose, rather than for external validation or approval.
Writing this blog post is my yoga today. I feel grounded in the present, I am committed to sharing honestly. It required discipline to complete and surrender to share.
Thank you for joining my practice today.
With love,
Care
